A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous
words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the
mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
Proverbs
15:1-2
I read about
a study that researchers at Kenyon College conducted among naval personnel.
They wanted to evaluate how the tone in which orders were given impacted the
response those orders received. What the study showed was that the way in which
the orders were given had a greater impact on the response than the content of
those orders. The tone of the order went a long way toward determining the
response.
When someone
received an order in a soft voice, the answer tended to be
given softly. But when the order was shouted, the response tended to be sharp
as well. Interestingly enough, these findings held true whether the
communication was in person or on the phone. It was not so much the facial
expression or body language as the tone and volume of the voice that drove the
response.
The same
principle holds true in our lives, just as we find spelled out in the
Scripture. When we speak to those around us with harsh, loud, or angry words,
we should expect a negative response. Wisdom guides us to govern and control
the way in which we speak to others. This is an especially important lesson for
those in leadership positions—pastors, teachers, parents—as the manner of our
speech often determines the response as much or more than the content.
We should
never shrink from a necessary confrontation or correction. If some behavior
needs to be changed or stopped it should be plainly stated. However, this
should be done in kindness and love rather than harshness. Jesus was never soft when
confronting sin, yet those who heard Him speak were astonished by the “gracious
words which proceeded out of his mouth” (Luke 4:22).
by Paul Chappell
