Soft Answers

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.

Proverbs 15:1-2

I read about a study that researchers at Kenyon College conducted among naval personnel. They wanted to evaluate how the tone in which orders were given impacted the response those orders received. What the study showed was that the way in which the orders were given had a greater impact on the response than the content of those orders. The tone of the order went a long way toward determining the response.

When someone received an order in a soft voice, the answer tended to be given softly. But when the order was shouted, the response tended to be sharp as well. Interestingly enough, these findings held true whether the communication was in person or on the phone. It was not so much the facial expression or body language as the tone and volume of the voice that drove the response.

The same principle holds true in our lives, just as we find spelled out in the Scripture. When we speak to those around us with harsh, loud, or angry words, we should expect a negative response. Wisdom guides us to govern and control the way in which we speak to others. This is an especially important lesson for those in leadership positions—pastors, teachers, parents—as the manner of our speech often determines the response as much or more than the content.

We should never shrink from a necessary confrontation or correction. If some behavior needs to be changed or stopped it should be plainly stated. However, this should be done in kindness and love rather than harshness. Jesus was never soft when confronting sin, yet those who heard Him speak were astonished by the “gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth” (Luke 4:22).

by Paul Chappell